I would love to be a mother. One that is not neurotic, one that contains her damaged emotional baggage inside its confinement, juggling motherhood and cooking barefoot in the kitchen for my husband.

He is so emotionally supportive and encouraging with all my artistic endeavors. I just hope he feels as supported as I feel. I see so many opportunities for us, can only reach for the property and home that we build together.

His ex wife, the mother of his daughters, the holder of his youthful heart, has his depression pinned by not being there as a father and husband. Up until recently, perhaps even again, she blocked me on social media without having spoken a word to each other. It disappointed me, to know how she wanted to initiate any potential relationship between us by blocking me. To know I encouraged him to reconnect and told him I would understand and support his decision if he ever decided to return to his family..

His failed marriage has prevented his desire to be married again. I don't lay blame with his ex or him, his choice is born from pain, fed by the anger and abandonment he experienced. I understand because my panic attacks through the winter, while caused by the medication, was triggered by my fear of abandonment. I was terrified, and still am, that he will leave my awkward, weird, spontaneous self.

a scream echoes through the woods

the fog continues to descend

silence follows

long hair trailing the girl

her bare feet quick over the forest debris

approaching the black stallion rather quietly now

a gentle disappearance

in the distance, quite desperately

screams her father "Ginny! Ginny"

Frost Flower Creations

Cassandra DeBaets is a designer and artist located in Anchorage, Alaska. She designs and creates jewelry out of new and upcycled materials. Frost Flower Creations donates a portion of every sale to Natasha and Brady Aulbrach of Portland, Oregon. They are currently experiencing homelessness. Link to their fundraiser here.

What inspired you to name your collection Frost Flower Creations?

It was actually a pair of earrings I made. They remind me of crystalline ice formations, and they have a forget-me-not blue glass teardrop. I had read something about frost flowers, so it was perfect.

 

What motivated you to create jewelry?

I wanted pretty things that my grandparents just couldn't afford to buy, so that was part of it. I always liked Stevie Nicks' bohemian, mystical goddess style, so when my stepmother offered to teach me to use a beading loom, I dove into beading.

 

What inspires you to utilize upcycled materials in some of your pieces?

People throw away some good garbage. If I'm broke and I need to craft, I will go full raccoon.

 

Who inspired you as a child, creatively?

A lot of dead people. Frida Kahlo, for one..

 

"Use the Force... but don't strain."

 

 

Cassandra recently gave me a pair of these Aurora gem earrings as a gift.

 

 

In addition to her collection, Cassandra is attempting to finish her certification. Due to financial woes, she has one last obstacle to overcome before eligible for a fantastic position in Anchorage. If you wish to donate, please visit the fundraiser here. Thank you!

In 2014 and 2015 I was hitch hiking the Sterling Highway and I was such a sight with my thumb in the air, dancing while listening to Brown Bird with my headphones on. The sun was up, I was warm and in no hurry to reach my destination. Homer is and hopefully always will be beautiful and peaceful. The people there are hit or miss, not much of an in-between. Those who were chill, were chill. Drama-inclined folks outnumbers everyone with a sense about themselves though. A local shop owner had a shelf full of books on proper business etiquette yet she would still publicly patronize me with the audience of customers as I was working. Other examples flood my memory, but as I have a full day looming ahead of me I need to force myself to sleep. Ciao.

I've always been a child of the night, a creator of the early shadows. The times I painted with the most passion and assurance was when I stayed up overnight or for days at a time and enter the studio at eight am to prep my coffee and paint with a sense of mania, not stopping until I was interrupted and convinced to join everyone else for lunch.

earlier I was imagining writing a super short version of my story
she looks across the waters, facing southeast, where destruction and civilization was surely left behind years before. the moments when her sister wasn't obsessed with direction and knew how many sunlit moments were left in a day to harvest and gather roots and grass, or when the tide would be out to comb the beach looking for any shred of fiber that might be useful.

I have the best focus, initiation, or drive in the early hours of the day. I can write, I can paint, I can create. Most of all, I can read and retain what I've read!

why are so many people jaded? is it a way to protect themselves from the horrors of this world? while danger lurks beneath the surface of every corner

the sense of doom comes and goes. moving on is the same as giving up, both with negative reactions later in my timeline. I want to see my friends. it's all too much though, for when I see my friends I shut down and stop responding. I want everything to be in order or all has to be a chaotic mess. bits of life fly past me as I see everyone doing something while I continue to do nothing. I hear what people are saying and see the words that have been written but I fail to comprehend the meaning. when I am like this, every little noise that I don't invite into my environment is nerve wracking and gives me an earache.

September first I arrive in Portland for the first time last year. The trip was meant to only last as a visit for a week or two and I was to travel cross the states with my father. We hadn't been on a trip together since my sister and I were children.

Before my family moved to Palmer in 1993 we lived in Chugiak in a trailer. We had chickens and turkeys and one day when I was two or three I was chased by one that was as tall as I was and after I fell it pecked a giant hole into my knee.

For pets, my sister had a black cat while I had a white rabbit.

memories

And did you get what you wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved,
To feel myself beloved on this earth.
- Raymond Carver
The above quote was introduced to me by Beth and reminded me of one of the best Christmas presents I received. It was from Pippa last year. It was simply a photo of her, Beth, Joy, and Rodolfo in Christmas attire. It was so nice to know that someone was thinking of me. I was having mixed emotions about my pregnancy at that time.

--
I am trying to put together a detailed list of my projects I want to complete this year so I could actually get them done or at least started.
- series on the study of human beauty and interaction (nudes)
- zine about sex or sexuality
- personl zine or short memoir about my life
- sculptural series of the perception of beauty through the times and culture