the sense of doom comes and goes. moving on is the same as giving up, both with negative reactions later in my timeline. I want to see my friends. it's all too much though, for when I see my friends I shut down and stop responding. I want everything to be in order or all has to be a chaotic mess. bits of life fly past me as I see everyone doing something while I continue to do nothing. I hear what people are saying and see the words that have been written but I fail to comprehend the meaning. when I am like this, every little noise that I don't invite into my environment is nerve wracking and gives me an earache.