I would love to be a mother. One that is not neurotic, one that contains her damaged emotional baggage inside its confinement, juggling motherhood and cooking barefoot in the kitchen for my husband.

He is so emotionally supportive and encouraging with all my artistic endeavors. I just hope he feels as supported as I feel. I see so many opportunities for us, can only reach for the property and home that we build together.

His ex wife, the mother of his daughters, the holder of his youthful heart, has his depression pinned by not being there as a father and husband. Up until recently, perhaps even again, she blocked me on social media without having spoken a word to each other. It disappointed me, to know how she wanted to initiate any potential relationship between us by blocking me. To know I encouraged him to reconnect and told him I would understand and support his decision if he ever decided to return to his family..

His failed marriage has prevented his desire to be married again. I don't lay blame with his ex or him, his choice is born from pain, fed by the anger and abandonment he experienced. I understand because my panic attacks through the winter, while caused by the medication, was triggered by my fear of abandonment. I was terrified, and still am, that he will leave my awkward, weird, spontaneous self.