the sense of doom comes and goes. moving on is the same as giving up, both with negative reactions later in my timeline. I want to see my friends. it's all too much though, for when I see my friends I shut down and stop responding. I want everything to be in order or all has to be a chaotic mess. bits of life fly past me as I see everyone doing something while I continue to do nothing. I hear what people are saying and see the words that have been written but I fail to comprehend the meaning. when I am like this, every little noise that I don't invite into my environment is nerve wracking and gives me an earache.

September first I arrive in Portland for the first time last year. The trip was meant to only last as a visit for a week or two and I was to travel cross the states with my father. We hadn't been on a trip together since my sister and I were children.

Before my family moved to Palmer in 1993 we lived in Chugiak in a trailer. We had chickens and turkeys and one day when I was two or three I was chased by one that was as tall as I was and after I fell it pecked a giant hole into my knee.

For pets, my sister had a black cat while I had a white rabbit.